Got no heat... Should've paid that utility bill...

No I'm kidding. I'm really good at paying my bills. But we got a boiler (it was expensive - more than we anticipated - I don't want to talk about it.) ... and it's taking longer than expected to install. So tonight, we have no heat. They gave us two space heaters. Small ones! Two! For the whole damn house! What is that going to do??!! Idiots. I'm double-sweatering it and my toes are damn cold. Maybe I'll just use the oven.

Oh - AND... they peed in my toilet and didn't flush it. Okay, fair enough - they had to turn the water off and therefore couldn't flush and probably just forgot - but still... I came home to someone else's pee in my toilet! Ew.

The end. No pic today.

Smelly Dog Farts

My dog farts. It's not normal. I know it's not normal. It happens way too often, and they smell way too bad for it to be normal. And they are loud too! Most dog farts are silent, but not Chloe's. Hers make a distinct fart sound. Even she thinks it's not normal! I know this, because when she does a loud fart, she turns around and stares at her bum like, 'What the HELL was THAT?!! ... arf.'

We asked the vet about it, she suggested switching her food to something more nutritious (and therefore more expensive) - we did that. Didn't help.

We tried to test her treats to see what ones make her fart. The result: either all of them, or none of them. So that wasn't much help either.

We tried cutting back her food - so now she gets only her alotted 3.5 cups per day (ish) ... we're definitely not overfeeding now. She still farts.

So what do we do? I mean really - I love her dearly, farts and all... but it sucks living in a house full of smelly dog farts. I need some sage advice here.

Bad News... and Another Funny Bird

So the bad news is I need a new boiler. Do you KNOW how much that costs?!?!?!! Our first quote was:
$7500 + $975 tax + $450 Energy Audit - $1350 gov't rebate = $7575 (not including warranty). AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

But last night we met with the boiler guy who happens to be a good friend's brother, and he was at least able to swing us a bit of a deal - so now our official quote is:
$7400 (includes tax AND 10yr warranty) + $450 Energy Audit - $1350 gov't rebate = $6500

That's a little better. Thank GOD (or - thank ADAM... that's the boiler guy.)

Let's hope that Deaner get's a decent tax refund this year (me too I guess, although I never get a decent one, EVER.) --- and if anyone feels the need to help, donations will be greatly appreciated! :o) hahaha

So after much thought, I have come to the conclusion that having to put $6500 on our line of credit (therefore maxxing out our line of credit) for an unforseen boiler purchase is not ALL bad... I mean, it's not like I crashed the car and we need to buy a new vehicle. THAT would be a stupid waste of money. The boiler is actually an investment. Obviously it will increase the value of our house, not to mention save us a bit on utility bills (including water heater rental - because the boiler has a built in water heater) AND it's much much safer than our existing boiler, which is 40 years old (life expectancy: 20 years) and is missing a low-water shutoff valve (which means if there's a water leak, the boiler won't shut off and will run dry and explode) --- so I mean, let's look at the bright side of things... right?

I still don't feel much better about it though. I think another funny bird picture will cheer me up. Ohhhh funny bird pictures...

He's so cute!!! No - SHE'S so cute!!! Look at those eyelashes and the pink eyeshadow, that's definitely a girl bird. Or a cross-dressing male. No, it's a girl. I can tell by her "I'm looking down my beak at you because you're an inferior being" look.

OH FOR FUCKS SAKES - I JUST SPILLED MY TEA ALL OVER MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALLLLLL OVER MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!

Things I Loved When I Was a Kid That I Probably Had and Want Back Now

Hugga Bunch. I had a puzzle, which I can NOT find online, that was my most favourite thing of my life. They were these cute little stuffed cartoon dollies living in a soft cushy pink pillow world sliding down a curly slide and landing on a pile of pillows - and every time I played with that puzzle (daily) I imagined it was real and in my memory, it is totally real. I remember the pillow tree and the curly pink slide and the stripey pillows at the bottom... and I WANT IT BACK!

I can't find the puzzle, but I can find these and I want them ALL.

The Hugga Bunch Movie:

The Hugga Bunch View Master:

The Hugga Bunch Dolls:

And a Hugga Bunch Button:

















And this is all I have thought about for the last hour and a half.

LIAR

That last post totally lied. I posted it like ten minutes ago, NOT on January 7. WTF?

WHERE AM I?!?!?

December 15? REALLY!? It's been a long time since I blogged, apparantly.

But here's the thing with me - I lose interest in things in about three seconds. The fact that I even blogged more than once is actually quite astonishing, and mostly only due to the tremendous amount of support and encouragement I received from my friends. That is, until they lost interest as well.

But did they lose interest because I stopped blogging? Or did I stop blogging because they lost interest? Why the hell am I so existential today? Is existential even the right word to use there? I don't even know. What I do know is that I'm sick of opening my blog and seeing Miss Canada staring back at me. She's gotta be the FIRST thing to go. I have a funny picture of a bird on my desktop - that is my new pic. Funny birds make me laugh.

I have a LOT of questions in my head today. I'm in professional limbo, I was just on a huge sugar high and have crashed HORRIBLY, my dog is sick and I'm feeling very curious about the world in general. No one has answers for me...

I have an idea - I'm going to write down my questions. If you have an answer for me, please comment. Shed some light on my dark and dreary confusion...

Here goes!
1) Say you were to go to a THIRD interview for a potential job, and during said interview your potential employer said such things as:
"This is Bill... Once we narrow it down to one final applicant, we like them to meet Bill."
and "So your salary range would be ______, and commission would begin ______ months."

and "I would like to train you in depth."
and "How much notice do you have to give your current employer?"

and "Well - I guess all that's left to do is call you."--- Is it safe to assume that you have the job?

2) Assuming your answer to question #1 is "yes" ... if you were to then find out that this potential employer was interviewing SOMEONE ELSE for THE SAME JOB the next morning, would you be allowed to be just a little pissed off?

3) Assuming your answer to question #3 is "yes"... if you were then to start really worrying that maybe the answer to #1 is "no", and therefore the answer to #2 is also "no" - is it normal to start really feeling like a big dumb idiot?

4) Say your puppy was standing in the living room and all of a sudden she just peed on the floor, without even squatting - would you think this could be the result of a bladder infection? Or would you think it just means that she's possessed, because the girl in the exorcist did that?

5) Is it possible that giving a puppy very strong antibiotics could cause a bladder infection?

6) How does wind happen? I mean really - how does that even happen?!

7) On a scale of one to ten, one being "This one time at church my grandma gave me a dollar to put in the basket." and ten being "This one time my dad laughed so hard he dropped his dentures on the floor, and then when he bent down to pick them up he farted and his pants split right at the ass!" --- how funny is this bird?!?

HE'S ELVIS AND A WICKER PLACEMAT AND A PUPPET BIRD ALL AT THE SAME TIME!!!
I'm so distracted by this bird that I can't think of anything else to say!

Except that I give him an eleven.

Miss Canada

In the most random of all randomness... Yesterday we hung out with Miss Canada. She's a very sweet girl - she joined us for Brunch at Beaner's Mom & Dad's house. The only thing that sucked about that was that we were there to celebrate Beaner's cousin (nickname) Chezza's 30th birthday, and Miss Canada (unintentionally) stole her thunder. I felt for her... she was sitting there opening her presents, star of the show... and then the door opens and in waltzes Miss Canada and everyone bails to go check out the cooler guest of honour! So she's just sitting there opening her presents all by herself. Or maybe Gramma stuck around to watch... I know for sure Grampa was up and ready to check out Miss Canada in case she was hot. He's hilariously old and perverted. Hahhaa... I love Grampa!

And I guess Miss Canada broke her crown, so Beaner's dad was volunteered to fix it. So of course, the whole party (minus the birthday girl and Gramma and me - out of principle) moved into the garage to check out Miss Canada's crown. Oooh ahhhhh... I would have been SO PISSED if it was my birthday!!!
Let me rewind. Why was Miss Canada hanging out with us, you might ask? Besides the obvious (we're super cool and why wouldn't Miss Canada hang out with us?) ... the real reason is Beaner's sister - let's call her Candy - has been working for World Vision, and apparantly so is Miss Canada for the next month or so during her Ontario tour. So I guess Miss Canada's chaperone has been kind of sucky, because she had to go to the airport one day and her ride never showed and Candy had to drive her there. Now they are like bestest buds (aka Candy thinks Miss Canada is the best thing since gluten-free bread and I feel like Candy kind of wants to kiss her shit.) So instead of the stupid chaperone taking Miss Canada on her Niagara Falls/Niagara-on-the-Lake Tour, Candy offered to do it. It worked out really well for Candy, considering... she brought her two girls along and they all got to ride with Miss Canada in the Niagara-on-the-Lake Christmas Parade in a Lexus Convertible. And they got free meals and hotels and all that shit. And they participated in the official opening of the Festival of Lights in Niagara Falls. And they got a free helicopter ride.

But that is CLASSIC Candy to steal Chezza's birthday party thunder. I mean, she was OBNOXIOUS. Kind of like the time Beaner and I got engaged, and got the fam together to announce it and five seconds later, Candy decided THAT was the appropriate time to concoct a plan to leave her husband. THANKS. Chezza - I feel your pain.