Miss Canada

In the most random of all randomness... Yesterday we hung out with Miss Canada. She's a very sweet girl - she joined us for Brunch at Beaner's Mom & Dad's house. The only thing that sucked about that was that we were there to celebrate Beaner's cousin (nickname) Chezza's 30th birthday, and Miss Canada (unintentionally) stole her thunder. I felt for her... she was sitting there opening her presents, star of the show... and then the door opens and in waltzes Miss Canada and everyone bails to go check out the cooler guest of honour! So she's just sitting there opening her presents all by herself. Or maybe Gramma stuck around to watch... I know for sure Grampa was up and ready to check out Miss Canada in case she was hot. He's hilariously old and perverted. Hahhaa... I love Grampa!

And I guess Miss Canada broke her crown, so Beaner's dad was volunteered to fix it. So of course, the whole party (minus the birthday girl and Gramma and me - out of principle) moved into the garage to check out Miss Canada's crown. Oooh ahhhhh... I would have been SO PISSED if it was my birthday!!!
Let me rewind. Why was Miss Canada hanging out with us, you might ask? Besides the obvious (we're super cool and why wouldn't Miss Canada hang out with us?) ... the real reason is Beaner's sister - let's call her Candy - has been working for World Vision, and apparantly so is Miss Canada for the next month or so during her Ontario tour. So I guess Miss Canada's chaperone has been kind of sucky, because she had to go to the airport one day and her ride never showed and Candy had to drive her there. Now they are like bestest buds (aka Candy thinks Miss Canada is the best thing since gluten-free bread and I feel like Candy kind of wants to kiss her shit.) So instead of the stupid chaperone taking Miss Canada on her Niagara Falls/Niagara-on-the-Lake Tour, Candy offered to do it. It worked out really well for Candy, considering... she brought her two girls along and they all got to ride with Miss Canada in the Niagara-on-the-Lake Christmas Parade in a Lexus Convertible. And they got free meals and hotels and all that shit. And they participated in the official opening of the Festival of Lights in Niagara Falls. And they got a free helicopter ride.

But that is CLASSIC Candy to steal Chezza's birthday party thunder. I mean, she was OBNOXIOUS. Kind of like the time Beaner and I got engaged, and got the fam together to announce it and five seconds later, Candy decided THAT was the appropriate time to concoct a plan to leave her husband. THANKS. Chezza - I feel your pain.

The Shawning

all work and no play makes nikki a dull girl
all work and no play makes nikki a dull girl
all work and no play makes nikki a dull girl
all work and no play makes nikki a dull girl
all work and no play makes nikki a dull girl
all work and no play makes nikki a dull girl
all work and no play makes nikki a dull girl
all work and no play makes nikki a dull girl
all work and no play makes nikki a dull girl
all work and no play makes nikki a dull girl
all work and no play makes nikki a dull girl
all work and no play makes nikki a dull girl
all work and no play makes nikki a dull girl
all work and no play makes nikki a dull girl
all work and no play makes nikki a dull girl
all work and no play makes nikki a dull girl
all work and no play makes nikki a dull girl

all work and no play makes nikki a dull girl

For some reason, there is this nutso drum music going down on the other side of the wall. Nothing else, just drums... sort of like in Jumanji. But even creepier - it makes me feel like maybe it's like the Shining. Maybe there are no drums at all and it's all in my head and I'm working too hard and I'm going to FREAKING LOSE IT and go on a rampage with an axe.

But wait --- Me? Work too hard? That right there is the funniest thing I have ever written in this blog...

Retraction

Since writing "For Megoo" (Nov 14) http://wompitywompwomp.blogspot.com/2008/11/for-megoo.html - I have grown up a bit. I failed to mention that saying "Tres cool = tres lame" would have been funny, had I said it to the person who said "tres cool" in the first place. But instead of doing that, I said "tres cool = tres lame" to someone else. And that wasn't very nice. So in a nutshell, I fucked up. It was jerky and I apologized and now we're friends again. I still don't like whisky though - so I'm going to rename Jack Daniels. She will now be called Coffchocolate. The end.

Here's how stupid I am...

We had to go to Shittsburgh last night for a work function, and didn't get home until 2am... So of course I slept in and came in to work for 11am. And then today at 3pm, this happened:
BOSS: Nikki, you're probably exhausted - you can go home if you want.
ME: I'm not tired - I slept in and came in for 11.

BOSS: Oh.. well nevermind then!

STUPID.

This is a funny bird.

Pony Boots

Last night, we took Baby Dog for a walk in the cold cold rain. It was a LONG walk, too. Because at lunch yesterday, Megoo and Miss Cutie made me feel so damn guilty for not walking her as often as I should (or ever)... so I drove home in the piss-pouring freezing rain, the whole time damn determined to take my Baby Dog for a walk, come hell or high water - we were going and it was going to be a good one.

So I made dinner, and after dinner we went on our way. And we went on a good long walk, ending at Starbucks (which is right beside Petsmart) - we were planning on getting a treat for us, and then a treat for Baby Dog. We got to Starbucks and I waited outside with the puppa while Beaner went inside and got us each a tall Caramel Salted Hot Chocolate... damn, that's a good beverage. Looks like this: Really - it's good. Try it sometime. So anyway - I was waiting outside, and I noticed that there was blood on the ground. (OH NO!) I looked at Baby Dog's paw, and sure enough - it was bleeding profusely! (AWWW BABY DOG!!!) The only thing to do was to bring her to Petsmart and let them figure it out - obviously. So that's what we did.

Beaner grabbed a handful of napkins, and we carried her over to Petsmart. We got in there, and it was like we just marched into an emergency room. The doors opened for us, and we carried her in and kneeled down on the floor mat and said, "We need help - she's bleeding!" The girl at the cash (she was soooo sweet) came over right away - she left all the people in her line up and sat on the floor and we held the puppa and she looked at her paw. Then Baby Dog kicked her in the face. What a jerk, eh? But the girl kept trying and once we found out there was no glass in it (phew!) we were relieved - but she had skinned the pad of her little foot, and it must have hurt really bad... but we still had to walk home! So the girl went down the "dog apparel aisle" (an aisle which I hate...) and grabbed Baby Dog a set of booties. We stuck a napkin in the bottom of the boot and put it on her bleeding foot. Then we put the rest of the booties on and laughed at her while she tried to get some traction on the floor... she was like Bambi on ice. Fabulous. Her booties look like this:

They are hilarious. They are reflective! And she totally overcompensates for them - so when we were walking, she was taking these GIANT steps - she looked like a pony in reflective boots! Anyway - then we grabbed her some liver treats because we felt bad for taking her on such a long walk that she skinned her paw... And we went back to Starbuck's and bought the sweet Petsmart girl her own Caramel Salted Hot Chocolate. Because she was really nice. And she said ours smelled yummy.

As funny as Baby Dog's booties are though, they really help her little feet. Imagine walking around in bare feet in this weather! You wouldn't want to do it. So I'm glad we bought them. I never would have bought them on a regular day because I think dogs wearing clothes is so stupid... but I had to get her the booties. And she already has a sweater, because her belly is bare and she shivers. Oh well - I guess that's what happens. When I was Google Image-ing "dog boots", I found these ones:
How awesome are THOSE?! Once she's full-grown, Baby Dog is TOTES getting these slick-ass booties!!! She can wear them up to the cottage and stuff - and look at the traction on those puppies! No sliding around on the Petsmart floor in these boots. Yeah, she's getting them for sure. DAMMMMMMMMMMMMMN STRAIGHT. Now I have to find her a coat to match.

bubblewrap

This morning I was VERY productive... and this afternoon, I'm cutting bubblewrap.
With every piece I cut, I lose a little bit of my soul.
I think it takes about - let's see... 2 minutes to cut a sheet. And each sheet gives me 14 small strips of bubblewrap. So I'm losing 14 pieces of my sould every 2 minutes. That's 7 pieces per minute... THAT'S 420 PIECES PER HOUR! Is my math right? I have 13 sheets of bubblewrap to cut - which gives me 182 pieces of my soul - GONE.

I'm not getting paid enough for this.

And then earlier today - Jaberwakky walked out of her office, spit on a Kleenex (making this TERRIBLE spitty sound) and then wiped the counter with it. Right beside the printer. I will never touch that counter again for as long as I live. That's the most disgusting thing I've seen since I saw that hugely fat lady at my last job leave the bathroom without washing her hands.
Gross man. GROSS.

Searching for a somewhat humorous picture of bubblewrap on Google Images took me like 20 minutes... This is the best I could do. But at least now it's 4pm and almost hometime. Whatever I don't cut will just be here for me in the morning, though... so off I go to waste my life...

PS: That's NOT me in the bubblewrap. I would never have ugly bangs like that. Nor would I ever wrap myself in bubblewrap. That would stink and feel gross and make me claustrophobic and probably suffocate. Stupid woman.