Watercooler Conversations

And by watercooler, I mean lunch table...

Sauce Dances!

With Megoo, Nibbles, Wilfrid (previously known as Wilbur and then Wendel) & Mr. In Charge

Why were we even talking about this? I think it started because of the soya sauce.

The Soya Sauce Dance:
For some reason Wilfrid decided that Mr. In Charge should have a Soya Sauce Dance.
IT MAKES NO SENSE. It could have been a racial slur... But then we thought the Soya Sauce Dance would be much like the Salsa, except with a little less heat and a little more salt - whatever that means.

The Frank's Red Hot Sauce Dance:

And then Wilfrid said if he was a sauce dance, he would be Frank's Red Hot Sauce and he would just stand still. And we decided that would be boring as hell. That's when Nibbles got involved... and then we decided the dance would become hot as hell. Because Nibbles is pretty hot.

The Ketchup Dance:

At this point, Wilfrid then proceeded to jerk himself forward in this awkward sudden motion as though someone was slapping him on the ass with the butt of their hand, not unlike the way one would slap a ketchup bottle to get the ketchup out. It made me a little uncomfortable, I'm not going to lie.

The Gravy Dance:

So this is when I said if I was a dance, hands-down I'd be Gravy. And we were trying to figure out what the gravy dance would look like... it would be oozy at first, but as time wore on it would begin to coagulate. Megoo said the instructions would be like this:
And... turn and pivot and turn and pivot and COAGULATE! 2-3-4...COAGULATE! 2-3-4...

I'm not sure that blogging about this dance quite gives it justice.

But what goes with gravy? MASHED POTATOES. So Mr. In Charge said, "I'd be Mashed Potatoes." So - now let me set this up: I'm Gravy, and Mr. In Charge is Mashed Potatoes... and Wilfrid says, "So Gravy is doing its thing, and then Mashed Potatoes squirts in!" This is when I had to stop the conversation. It was getting a bit too sexual. And I'm engaged. JEEEEEEEZUS.

Missed Opportunity...

With Megoo

Everyone has had a school crush. So everyone can relate to this one. I'm just going to script the conversation (between me and Megoo) - with a secret blogname for the crush, of course... We're going to call him Pizza Pizzerton. BECAUSE I LOVE PIZZA. Not because his name sounds like... nevermind.

Last week:

M: So my boyfriend and his friend, Pizza, were sitting on the couch...

N: Wait - his friend Pizza? Is Pizza's last name Pizzerton?
M: Yeah, Pizza Pizzerton!

N: Hey I know that guy! I went to school with him - I had a crush on him in Grade 6!

M: Hahhahaa...

N: But he didn't like me back, jerkface. Oh, my dashed self-esteem... *tear!

Today:
M: Hey I told Pizza about you.

N: What did you say?
M: I said, "Hey my friend knows you - do you know Nikki?"

N: Did he know me?

M: Yeah - he said, "Yeah I remember her! I had a crush on her in Grade 6!"

N: HA! Really? You're lying.

M: No - that's what he said. And I said, "She said the same thing!"

N: Hahaha... And what did he say?

M: "Huh. Missed opportunity, I guess."

Facegasms (oh God...)

With Megoo & Nibbles

I really like sneezing. So I mentioned this when someone sneezed.
I said, "Do you like sneezing? I really love sneezing."
And Megoo (who always just gets it) said, "Oh yeah - it's like an orgasm exploding out of your face!"

Totes. I completely agree.

But just in case I didn't, she followed it with, "It is! You know when it's coming and then it's like an explosion!"

And then Nibbles wanted to say something, but she thought it would be inappropriate. I don't know what it could be, but at this point... what is inappropriate?

Sidenote: The whole time I was trying to write this, Mr. In Charge wouldn't stop talking like a robot and it was incredibly distracting. PS: I work in a mental institution.